good evening internet,
i woke up (it’s 11pm) and really needed to explain this dream that i just had. i wouldn’t really consider it a nightmare, but it did trigger my necrophobia at the end in a weird way.
i was pretending to vlog in some old person’s garden… i thought it was my grandma’s garden at first, but it was just some random lady’s. there was this small stalky lemon tree growing next to a normal looking greenhouse. it actually looked like a bush with giant lemons growing on it. not ridiculously large (i’ve seen lemons this large at supermarkets) but i suspected that they were definitely not natural or at least organic.
i was trying to be funny and decided to vlog myself picking a lemon from this weird lemon bush (i guess i thought it would be entertaining content or something). after picking the lemon and commenting on the size of the lemon, i stopped recording on my phone.
i kept the lemon with me while i was exploring the garden. the garden was large, almost as large as a local park. after walking a little bit, i noticed the lemon was starting to change in my hands. at first, soft brown spots on the skin, but then it started squirming.
despite my discomfort, i kept walking with the lemon since i figured it was just my imagination (and it technically was). i think it got to the point where it began to get really squishy and rotten to the point where it was starting to really freak me out. so many thoughts were bubbling in my brain (is there something in this lemon? is it going to get me sick?) i didn’t know what to do - so i threw it.
i woke up so startled that i got up and involuntarily threw the imaginary lemon. i don’t think i’ve ever had a dream make me do something like that in the real world. sure i’d wake up startled from nightmares, but never enough to instinctively jolt out of bed and throw a weird imaginary lemon.
how does this tie into necrophobia? i mean… other than the fact that the lemon was technically “dead”, the way i panicked and threw the lemon was a similar feeling i had last week when i found a dead cricket in my laundry. i grabbed it, thinking it was some weird piece of wood, but no, it was a squishy bug carcass. after realizing what it was, i threw it immediately. after recomposing myself, i grabbed a napkin, picked it up, and threw it out. i had to wash my laundry again. ;-;
normally, i’m fine with bugs, but for some reason certain dead ones freak me out. small dead creatures, especially roadkill birds also elicit this dreadful panic too. as a person that relies heavily on logic and ration in their day to day life, necrophobia at least helps me become sympathetic towards people with phobias.